it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
