if you like me you must not know who I am
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
