I met the friendliest cop last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
home. puking in laundry basket.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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