Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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