she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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