I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
