At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
