things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
