there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
