Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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