Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
