Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
