people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
