Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
