Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
