It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
