That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
