brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
