how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
