dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
