is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
