I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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