I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
