Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
