Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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