I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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