You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
