hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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