Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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