i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
