Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As shirtless as possible
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize