All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
