My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
