have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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