my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
