just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I die, sorry about rent.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
