some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
