dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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