i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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