And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
