either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
