People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
