you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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