I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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