I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
