I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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