My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
