you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
