i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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