My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
