you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
