she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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