dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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